Moody Monday for both Spike and I

This morning I went to bed at around 6:30 am or so, about the time my husband was getting ready to head off to work. Spike had finally just fallen asleep. He looked so peaceful and for the first time, not in pain. I have noticed in the last few days that he is becoming more and more clingy, and his the time during the day and night that he keeps his eyes open are less and less. I should be reading for my upcoming courses at Kaplan, but I sit here reading about primary glaucoma, and the people who have already struggled through it. You can tell a parent to a glaucoma pet, that they'll do fine without their eyesight...but that doesn't make it any easier. It doesn't make anything feel any better. I write in this blog every day, I post updates on his page on on his Facebook page, and it just doesn't feel like enough. I'm looking for answers I just can't find. My teenage son Nathan, who is 14 and a half, and wants those same answers. In between his studies and video games I watch him googling everything he can. My family has been through hell and back, just as so many others in this country. Spike's been such a soldier, he showed no pain and no sadness the entire time he was sleeping. But it's nighttime now, and he's hurting, sad, scared, and miserable. The whining and teary eyes are heartbreaking and I feel so helpless. We are so far from where we need to be with the fundraiser. The week after next we return to the eye specialist where we will receive a written estimate. A number I'm sure will be rather large. Thanks to the previous donations, we were able to nearly pay in full for his last visit, having to add the difference of about 70.00 to our already negative bank account. I'm too tired to be creative and think, but we'll figure it out someway somehow if you the supporters we have stay with us and help us push through. Thank you! This is the face that drives me forward. Those are the eyes worth saving..And if after I have tried everything and done everything i humanly can, he still loses this battle.... at least I can say i fought hard and tried. And that my friends is something my family and I can live with.